Quantum Flux and the Nature of “Reality”

Like the old Robin Williams quote, “Reality… What a Concept!”

In our society, there is this concept called REALITY. Except the more science learns about this World, the concept of this thing called “reality” keeps getting called into smaller and smaller bits (quanta is the term if you will). According to the most cutting edge science, “reality” is more and more the Illusion/Maya of the Ancients (who of course knew a lot more on more subtle levels than Modern Man thought they did).

In “reality” there isn’t One Reality to Rule them all, but some Seven Billion Realities happening every second (or even more frequent) every second of every day.  If many of those who are fiercely fighting tooth and nail against any kind of ‘change’ much less “CHANGE” were to realize this, the quanta would hit the fan.

In my ‘reality,’ there is this thing popularly called ADD, and it’s partner/sister diagnosis ADHD. It’s a condition that more and more of our society are becoming subject to (and those mentioned above are railing at the concept of). It’s (depending on the persons and their politics involved) ‘the Government,’ or ‘The Psychiatric Establishment/Drug companies (/conspiracy),’ or, the really popular opinion, ‘just plain bunk.’

In other words… No One Knows. In my knowing, it is a very real set of conditions. But back to that concept of “reality.”

In each of our lives, in every second of every day, we are being bombarded by sensory input or stimuli. It comes in the form (for most) of the Five Senses. We are bombarded by touch, feel (heat, pressure, etc), sight, sound and to a lesser extent (for most of us – the real Foodies excepted here), taste.

In My Reality, ADD is not a ‘can’t pay attention to anything’ condition, but a ‘pays attention to EVERYTHING’ one. I (and all of you Others like me), did not receive the neural chemistry to block out external stimuli to a sufficient extent that we can focus on ‘only one thing.’ This is most often what leads to that other associated condition (to a greater or lesser extent) called Creativity. The Creative takes in external stimuli and outputs Art (or Dance, or…). Paying Attention to Everything is the central core of the Creative. The Creative takes All of the stimuli and coalesces it into their interpretation of ‘reality.’ In ‘reality’ Van Gogh probably did see the “Starry Night” as he painted it. Which brings me to…

In the Greater Reality, there is not just the physical Illusion of ‘reality’ but also the Energy that Created it. That takes ADD to a whole ‘nother level of complication in the already complicated mess of stimuli. For those of us who are even less able to block out External (and internal) stimuli, the constant flow of Energy on the Meta-Physical level ADD’s to what we’re already receiving.

In my head, I hear all of the objections from those of you who think this is careened into Extreme Woo Woo territory, but a number of those probably stopped reading after the Robin Williams quote (if they even decided to come and read this in the first place. And further into the Woo Woo is that I ‘feel’ many of those thoughts in the day to day moving through and amongst the Rest of Humanity.

In conclusion, (everyone giving a ‘lecture’ always says that)… I experience what most people experience, but manage to block out – through daily rituals like going to work and eating at usually highly specific time, watching TV/films and listening to music. You block the Madness out because you can. I can’t. For me, it comes out in Creativity and the constant influx of Ideas BIG and small. It’s always been like this. I work on one Idea and then another one comes crashing/barging into my consciousness in the next instant. This is why the Daily Rituals and I don’t really work. And it makes it hard for me to find someone else who is both similar to/but different enough to make a relationship work with.

In the end, it’s not that I ‘can’t pay attention to anything,’ I’m always paying attention to, and developing/creating Art, from that Everything. It’s not that I ‘can’t focus on one thing and do that well’ as I have Creations in just about every creative form that I can. Some call that “Genius,” others call it “Madness,” and still others call it ‘just an excuse.’ You should be so unlucky.  

The Key To Eternal Life

       I went to a viewing of an Independent film the other night about an aging actress who is concerned with… Aging. At the end of the questions and answers, she said, “If anyone knows how to live forever, let me know. I’d like to hang out with you.” She is – forty-five? – and she’s worried about dying already? Not a good sign.

As I was thinking about age and its ramifications, it came to me how to, as she put it, “live forever.” Well, not live forever, but how to stave off “old age.” (Last night I watched a movie where one of the two leads was debuting in her first acting job at 86 – so there’s still home Jane.)

The answer is this. If you worry about ‘growing old,’ guess what, you’ll grow old all the faster. If you pay age no mind, you’re more likely to grow less old (er), as quickly. Once you start worrying more about dying instead of living, you’re a gonner. Done deal. It’s all down hill from here, baby!

Of course, I’ve never had children. Besides the old adage that children will age you quicker, just seeing your children grow (much less the taxing of your energy in the process of their growing) will serve as a near-by constant reminder that YOU’RE GROWING OLDER. Or not.

It’s harder to see yourself as being in your youthful years when all of a sudden your child is graduating from high school and leaving home. It’s even harder still when those ‘children’ of yours have children of their own. But it isn’t a required part of the equation.

You see; attitude is everything. I’ve known women (yes, in the ‘biblical sense’ and otherwise) who have had children, grown up with them, and still managed to not let ‘old age’ catch up with them. Yes, some of them were in their forties and fifties chrono-logically but still in their teens emotionally. But there have been some for whom the idea that just because their children grow up, they don’t have to ‘grow old.’

Jesus said that to see the Heaven you needed to be “as a little child.” A child will continue to see the world with wonder; whereas an adult “grows up” and looses that sense of wonder. The women who have retained that sense (and hence retained their sense of youth), didn’t let the fact of their children becoming adults deter them from how they saw themselves.

You ‘grow old’ because you see yourself as growing old. (Well, eating a good diet and exercise also help tremendously). If you see yourself as being young and carefree, you’ll tend to remain as carefree as you can. Perhaps this is why Grandparents love hanging out with their grand children so much?

But there is also another factor that most people don’t put into the equation: if you believe that a Soul last forever, then you can stay younger longer. Age ceases to be such a factor if you think in terms of your being Eternal. This Life ceases to be something that must be ‘used’ to the fullest, if there are other lifetimes, and ‘death’ is not really the end all of our existence.

Think about it…

Risk Is My Middle Name

I've been taking risks all my life.

The first risk I took was in not taking my parents fervent wishes seriously about taking my education past the two year degree that I received with the double major of Art and English to the next level. I did not really like formal education, not being very good at studying and preparing for work by deadlines (a still serious flaw of mine if you will). That did not stop me from studying till this very day, but I don't like to do anything formally, much less the gathering of knowledge.

I told them at the time (I was sure) that I could starve just as easily (being an artist) on a two year degree as much as a four or six-year set of degrees. My next youngest brother has three degrees — none of which he seems to be using in his current job (well, maybe parts of his MBA). I don't even remember what degree my sister got, and my youngest brother inherited even less of an aptitude for formalized education than I did.

The second risk that I took was baring more than my soul for art classes by being an art model. Yes, of the nude variety. It helped to pay the rent, and out of modeling for one class at a nearby community college not of my childhood county (which I would never have gone to for studying), I learned the Old Masters technique known as Egg Tempura Crosshatch. This method was from the Middle Ages, and involved mixing pigment with egg yolk.

It started me on a medium that, although I didn't keep up for too many years (it's a tedious application of painting, requiring the buildup of many hundreds or thousands of layers, stroke by laborious stroke) led me into the derivative style of drawing using the same technique but with colored pencils that I have used till this very day, (When I have the time to draw that is. I have long since tired of trying to earn a living at it, but hope to pick that business up again when my money is coming in. More later.)

If I hadn't taken that 'risk' (baring all), I wouldn't have been exposed to that technique and my art would have been the less focused for it.

The third risk that I undertook was when I was twenty-four (and this was the most major risk that I've taken in my life). I decided to try my hand at the then current mode of travel accessed by sticking my thumb out on the side of a highway and accepting the graciousness of random strangers. I learned many things at the risk of this, and thereafter called myself a roads scholar. I had many experiences that I would not have had otherwise.

Out of the experiences I had On The Road, I've written two screenplays, one of which is quickly becoming my second finished novel. I had experiences that both broadened my life, and in some cases felt like it was also going to be the end of it as well. But that obviously didn't happen.

I have also taken the risk of my life in driving cab for a living (much more lucrative on the East Coast than here), as well as having moved all the way to Los Angeles (for the second time) to try to make my mark in both acting and screenwriting.  Hope springs eternal; rent due arrives each month.

I have in the last two years also been living close to the edge, spending a lot of it couch surfing (sleeping on a variety of friends couches), and also having the most productive two years of my life at the risk of writing (large amounts of time in solitary confinement with just me and my computer). Unless you're writing solely short stories for your livelihood, writing scripts (I've finished six and written on portions of twenty-two others), or writing as a journalist, writing is not a short term solution to riches and happiness. If I could write a horror movie script that had all the elements I abhor in movies, I might have made those thousands of dollars.

Now I am taking the risk of converting those finished scripts into novel form. The longer form not only takes much more time than a script, but may be equally unsold at the end of it all.

Recently, I took another risk. I enrolled in, and attended, a weekend seminar in real estate investment. I spent (in monthly installments I am still paying off) what for me was a huge sum of money, with the hopes and dreams of making a living doing something that all of my friends and family wished me a very hesitant "good luck" in (to which my business partners and myself are still hoping to make our first sale in).

Life is full off risks. You can think that you're not taking risks, but every day you step outside the door to your dwelling, you never know where that day will take you. It might just be shopping, or then again it might be to the end of your life (as happened for five people yesterday in Arizona). You never know. "One never knows the hour or the day" that one is going to be called from this life. But everyone is always risking; some great risks, and others everyday risks. Simply by crossing the street these days you can be risking taking your life in somebody else's hands. 

With Great Risks, come Great Rewards. At least I'm hoping so.

Morning in Seattle. I mean, Los Angeles.

As to the aforementioned weather...

I live in West LA. I moved here mainly because of wanting to be an Actor. But secondarily to that of course, was The Weather. If I'm gonna live somewhere where it wasn't my first choice, it has to have it's good points. For LA, that was the weather, followed closely by The Beach (which I almost never go to, but to which I travel to Santa Monica periodically to view; to remind myself that I actually live in LA).

But with Global Warming, that's all changing.

Yesterday, the fog started rolling in about five o'clock in the afternoon. Just like in San Fransisco. Except I don't live in SF. And the temperature these days if it goes above 80, is a hot day. Almost makes me want to move to the San Fernando Valley. At least it's warmer there.

Batter Up!

So here is the first post of this new blog (superceeding my previous blog on that myspace place).

[edited for content--9/18] Tonight finds me on an episode of a show that I cannot name now because I had to sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement to appear before camera (i.e. get paid). First time for everything.
Last week I was in an episode of the new show The Whole Truth (starring Rob Morrow from the previous show "Numbers" on CBS). I had a scene where I had what in the business is called a 'money shot' reacting to his character getting onto a bus at "Rikers Island" prison. Once again, I'll know whether or not I appear when it airs.

That's the thing about being a Background Actor (otherwise known as an "Extra" ). You just never know until you watch, or until friends around the country call/email to congratulate you on being in a movie they just watched. Except in this case ("Blades of Glory") I didn' know that I had had a scene in the movie. I had just been on set as a Background performer.

And when I called the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) about it, I was asked, "Was it ten seconds or longer?" To which I had to answer "No," unfortunately.

Life in The Industry.