Finding “The One”

I still hear people (ok, women mainly) talking about finding “The One” in a relationship sense, and that somehow they will ‘know’ “The One” (or he will them) by instinct. Perhaps when you really are standing in front of “The One” you will know, I want to tell them, but it hasn’t happened to me. Yet.

Now I’ve thought that I had found The One before, several times. Yes. Well, no, I didn’t. Obviously, I’m still single (or rather, single after I thought I’d… Well, you know).

The ‘magical thinking’ is, Once I’ve found The One, all will be well, for the rest of our lives together. It’ll be perfect bliss, and we’ll never look at another person (other than The One) ever again. Perfection, and then ‘happily ever after.’ That’s what we’ve been programmed for. Right?

And then, a few years ago I was introduced to another version of The One. I would go through a lot of other The Ones’ to find out I didn’t know who The One was supposed to be. In other words, all the ‘small stuff’ would have been taken care of and it was time for the ‘Large Stuff’ to hit the fan. You would know you had met The One because… Well, because The Stuff was hitting The Fan.

When I met The Woman who was to become Wife Number One, I had heard about her from the woman I was living with at the time (an Ex who was ‘just’ a friend at that time). I knew a lot about This Woman, and then I heard her drive up in her van and went out to meet her. She had turned off the Van and was sitting there listening to Our Favorite Song. Yes, it couldn’t get much more The One-ish than that, right? (“Song to the Last Whale” by CSN)

I ‘knew’ that she was The One (at least for then). We tumbled into a relationship, and then into the ‘deeper commitment,’ and then (a year and a half later) The Divorce. This was The One, Part One.

More than a few years later (and several The One’s later), I met The One, Part Two. I knew she was not the most stable One I had known, (and I had known a few Unstable One’s in between Part One and her, to become Part Two). I knew from the start that there would be more Stuff hitting The Fan, but I fell in love anyway; the whole “Love Conquers All” thing (except that it didn’t).

So when I hear Women talking about The One, I One-der. What do they think The One is going to look like? “Hey Mr. Fantasy/play us a tune…” (once again revealing my age). How many The Ones’ have They been through, I wonder?

Now, please understand, I would love for The One to walk into my life. But based on the model of The One as precursor to The Stuff Hitting The Fan (with the other The One’s I’ve met and fell in love with), I kind of wonder if I should be looking that intently for her. A few years ago, disillusioned in life and love, I began to think in terms of the un-magical thinking of “I’m not looking for Ms. Right, I’m looking for a good fantasy.”

Oh, I still have my fantasies of finding The One, but until she presents herself, I’m working along the lines of looking for The One in the transpersonal sense, and not worrying about the relational sense. Working on working, and finding on the career level allowing me to afford The One on the personal level when I can afford to afford The Luxuries that most Modern Women seem to deem The Requirements of The Relationship of Their Dreams.

Until then, it’s a good thing I have many things on my various to-do lists besides “I Do.” I’ve already been in the Stuff Hitting The Fan phase too many other times. I look around me and see many possibilities for The One, but no One has stepped in front of me with the accompanying Song denoting This Is Her. There are many wonderful Possibilities around me but not, (as of yet), The One. As far as I can see, there is The Work (for now) until given/proven otherwise.

Creativity and Grant Theft Intellectual

I was discussing the shifting paradigm taking place in the computing and Music and Arts Industries with a colleague a couple of weeks ago, and he said that Artists (Musical or otherwise) should have no expectations of receiving compensation for their work these days. We go to a church where “Circulation of Energy” (i.e. money and time) is the order of the day, and that I shouldn’t have this expectation in the coming shift.

This reflects the general opinion of much of the population these days, that anything that can be ripped or downloaded should be free to have, and this idea is especially coming from the minds of teens and twenty-something’s. None of these folks goes into work at a job they have (if they have a job) and on payday tells their Boss, “You know, I love my job so much, you don’t have to pay me. I just love doing it so much!”

Creatives often spend years, or even decades, learning and then crafting their vision to produce the work that other non-Creative minds take for granted. It doesn’t just spring out of the head and onto the page or CD without great effort and sacrifice. For someone to say, ‘Well, it’s there, and it’s there for me to take’ only disrespects the Artist whose work you value enough to take.

In an age where jobs are being outsourced and Corporations are crying poverty -- ‘We Can’t Afford to have Americans make our products. They expect too much in pay and benefits…’ (this from Corporations who also want to sell those very same products to those same un- and under-employed Americans) – those same Corporations are screaming ‘Theft!’ by this population that has incorporated their tactics.

Creative Work of Art, Music and Dance should be compensated for. The greater the Work, the greater we should expect a return for our investment of time and effort to give you any pleasure you get from our work – not just taken for the ability and the technology to do it.

I have been a Visual Artist for decades. I have done close to a thousand images in drawing, painting, multi-media or sculpture. I’ve also shot close to 5000 images with my cameras over that time, creating images and showing life in ways that most people (even Creatives) have not seen it. This took tens of thousands of hours of my time over those decades. If I charge a thousand dollars for a drawing that seem small in comparison to billboards, it reflects that time spent perfecting my craft. And yes, I consider myself a Master in both Drawing and Photography. I expect to be paid for my work and what it reflects of my life and time spent.

A very well dressed Man walked up to me at a gallery opening of mine in the past, and asked me how much time it took to draw an image he was looking at. I made the mistake of telling him how much. When I did, he told me I was asking “too much” for it. He then (apparently calculating that hour to do this image at Mickie D’s wages) told me what he thought it was worth. I was too stunned to tell him what I thought his opinion was worth.

To those who think that because it is on the Web or in Digital format that the work should be free, I say, go back home and let Mommie and Daddy take care of you then. Don’t waste my time/steal my work. If you have nothing to offer anyone else, why should you expect to take what someone else has to offer – for nothing?

No Money? No Job.

"It takes money to make money," is going to a whole new level in this economy.

I have been trying to get work. But everytime I try to do a job search for work, I come up with the same old problem: someone (a corporation) wants me to pay to get access to employers through their website. It's bad enough if you're already either over qualified for a job, or qualified in a wrong direction (I've been self employed for the most part for most of my adult life, and that disqualifies me -- I'm not a "team player"; I don't play well with others because I like to play by myself).

I don't like being told what I can and can't do. I know many of you are saying, "Oh, well. Welcome to the real world." But what I'm really saying is, 'I can do what you need me to do just fine.' I don't like however, being told that I have to play the corporate game (pay ahead to get ahead), in order to just play, and that's what this 'pay for access' feels like to me.

So here I am. Over qualified and under qualified. Wanting to do what I do best.

Too bad I can't play others nasty control games.