A Child Must Be A Choice

I'm single. I have never really wanted to have children except for one of the women I have been with.

Below is a response I wrote in a personals ad regarding the idea of  'men not wanting children,' describing why I haven't wanted children. I know that some of it will seem crass and uncaring to some (mainly women), but there are a number of reasons for this in my life (most of which I won't go into in a public forum).

Not everybody should have children. A current look around this country shows that many shouldn't have had; they weren't prepared to raise children. If you haven't at least tried to heal whatever childhood emotional injuriesthat were done to you, perhaps you should wait on transferring those same issues to children.

I've also known a number of women who decided (one of them at quite an early age) that they themselves did not want children. The reasons? I can't tell you or (perhaps) they'd kill me. [Sort of a joke.]

And in a similar vein, not everybody should go to college. In this country you're treated as pariah if you don't have a degree (or two), but many people should perhaps attend vocational training. We have way too many lawyers and not enough nurses. And I know a number of  people with superfluous degrees that they arenever going to use.

I have personally fathered two children in my time. But in both cases, however much the woman wanted (or in both cases never knew they wanted) children, neither was prepared to do it. With one of them she was too old and her body rejected the fetus. In the other one, when I didn't respond favorably, she had an abortion.

In the end, unless both of the procreators are wanting wholeheartedly to devote the next 18 years of their life to the child, the child should not be created. I know this probably  sounds really harsh, but have you ever known anyone who found out that they were an 'unwanted' child? It wasn't a feel good revelation, I"ll tell you that.

We all need to find in ourselves what our true reason for coming into this life is, before we take on the task of forming someone elses reason for coming in. I truly believe in a saying by a comedian some time ago, "I don't believe in having children until I"m through being one."

Aside from this, I have way too many other things in my life that if I don't give them attention for any length of time, will not suffer for the rest of their lives for that lack of attention paid. And besides, I don't have enough time for all of my creative 'children' (works of art/writing/design) as it is.

In my opinion, a child is either a choice, or a potential (as a former friend once was fond of sayinhg) flaming disaster if they are not.